


My Forever

by MuscleMemory



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Parabatai Bond, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-24 06:41:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12007197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuscleMemory/pseuds/MuscleMemory
Summary: He only becomes aware of his tears dripping from the tip of his nose when he notices them falling on Magnus’ face. His chest is excruciatingly tight, his body colder than it’s ever been, an inexplicably ominous sadness creeping in and taking a hold of him. And he hates being so weak, so useless and helpless and guilty. But none of it is any help to Magnus, so he shoves it all deep down and tries to smile at him instead, when inside, every part of him is wailing.





	My Forever

**Author's Note:**

> For all hurt!Magnus lovers, especially my wonderful friend and captain of his fanclub, Yuks <3 
> 
> All thanks to my Parabeta AlyxHavok, and all credit to her for coming up with the story Magnus tells Alec, saving my ass as ever! <3

Consciousness pries the cloudy haziness lazily from his mind. He moves his hand, heavy from satiated sleep, to rub the sand from his eyes. He blinks a few times, his eyes suddenly focused on the view before him.

Magnus is basked in the first rays of sunlight, Alec’s eyes following the patterns of light and dark shades on his naked body, the red sheets slung just under his hip, allowing Alec to marvel at so much glorious skin, and the countless love marks his mouth left on him merely hours ago.

He smiles fondly at the memories, leaning in closer, shutting his eyes, his nose brushing Magnus’ shoulder, the scent of traces of sweat, saliva, deodorant, and Magnus’ own unique fragrance filling up his senses.

His lips ghost along Magnus’ neckline, down to his collarbone and up his throat, Alec’s fingers unable to resist brushing the long strands of hair from his forehead. Ever since he let it grow more, Alec’s finding his hands tangled in the softness, mesmerized when his fingers glide through it, or tug and pull with excitement.

He can feel Magnus’ facial hair tickling his lips as he moves them just above his chin, sending tiny pinpricks along his neck, his senses intently aware of every sensation on and inside his own body, and he relishes in these moments where a world outside of him and Magnus doesn’t exist and he can just let himself feel, and be.

He feels Magnus’ soft breaths on his face, being so close the anticipation of almost touching him makes his belly contract with small, blissful jolts.

He opens his eyes, his breath taken away abruptly as a pair of golden ones gazes right into the core of him.

Everything stills, but his heart which proves undoubtedly he’s never been more alive.

Magnus felt Alec’s presence tender like a veil floating in a wisp of wind against him, sleep leaving him with every second he was waiting in sweet expectation.

The vastness of emotions crashing over him like pleasant waves spring up the familiar, yet overwhelming, burn in his chest and ache in his whole being. No one’s ever looked at him, moved him, treasured him, or loved him in this way.

And he’s never loved any being this wholly, unconditionally, all-consuming, either. And he never would have guessed it in his drunkest, wildest dreams. That a Nephilim, Shadowhunter, mortal man, would come crashing into his life, tearing down his walls without even trying, or wanting to. And all that falls away as he only sees Alexander now.

Skin rosy and a little splotchy in places, lips full and shiny, his neck strewn with love bites, his hair an unruly mess, the most beautiful, vivid, vigilant eyes staring at him, brimming with wonder, happiness and adoration.

And he knows deep inside that this is the only view he ever wants to wake up to again. He extinguishes the bittersweet pain that set free would grow into overpowering devastation, giving Alec a disapproving look.

“Alexander, I’m not a cat.” He muses, fond of the way Alec blinks and realizes he’s patting and scratching Magnus’ head and breaks into an endearing, lopsided smile.

“Maybe you should get me one.” Something in Alec’s eyes twinkles, igniting another kind of burn inside Magnus.

“There are two dozen outside on the terrace waiting for you.” Magnus chides him playfully, a ringed hand moving up between them to card through Alec’s chest hair.

“They’re not ours, though, they’re… visitors, or friends, because we feed and cuddle them. But if we had our own cat, I could pat it in bed instead of you.”

Magnus pretends to ignore Alec’s smirk and screws up his nose. “And why exactly do you think it would be allowed in our bed?”

He feels joyous watching Alec frown sweetly, lick his lips and pondering, no doubt, whether Magnus is serious about this or not.

“Well, I thought-”

He doesn’t let him finish as an urge to move in and kiss him takes over, his hand running upwards to grab Alec’s neck, their bodies pressing flush against one another when Alec gives in immediately, wrapping an arm around Magnus to hold him close.

He wants to wake up to this, with Alexander, every single day, and nothing and no one else.

 

Alec’s head rests on his chest, Magnus’ fingers gliding through his hair, which he’s loved doing ever since just imagining how it would feel.

They have a day all to themselves and neither of them has attempted to leave bed yet.

Magnus smiles softly as he feels Alec’s lips press against his skin where he lies, his fingers drawing undefinable patterns over his stomach. If someone asked him what perfection felt like, he’s pretty sure this moment would be his answer.

“Have I ever told you the legend of the Goddess of love, Alya, and her mortal love?”

Alec’s quiet for a moment, his hand momentarily still. “I don’t think so.”

Magnus nods a little, sure if he did that Alec would remember. “She was immortal, never known a love of her own, but she was meant to connect lover’s souls. She was content with that, making people happy, bringing two souls together to make them one. She loved them like a mother, but there was one that was different. He was called Ryn, and the woman Lasiq. Alya found their souls among tragedy, befitting their love story. As she wove them together, she felt something was not quite there, for Ryn seemed to be missing part of his own soul, a part that never seemed to have been with him. But alas they were married and loved one another until tragedy once again took hold of their lives, leaving Ryn without his love. He grew depressed, yet when Lasiq died, Ryn’s soul was made as it once was, which is extremely unusual, because once a lover has passed, the soul does not form the same, it’s tarnished.”

Magnus stops momentarily, watching as Alec moves and turns, lying his head down again but this time looking up at Magnus.

“She made it her mission to find Ryn’s true soulmate, spent weeks watching him until she was consumed by his presence and would come to him and speak in whispers of a love he deserved and he would talk about his wife, explaining the love he had for her but that it never felt whole. He would tell her of a presence that had been looming over him for as long as he could remember. One night, he tells her that her presence is the one he’s been looking for, and when she reveals herself to him, his soul changes, gaining the piece he’s been missing all along. They stay together until another God, jealous and vicious, forbids her to be with a mortal, for Gods and mortals aren’t meant to be and she’s breaking their laws, depriving others of their soulmates. She refuses to listen to him, and so he kills Ryn, leaving her soul broken for eternity, because despite every reason they shouldn’t have been together, he was her forever.”

Magnus feels far away, another time, another life, lulled into an oppressive sadness, a mist clouding his mind and sight.

Alec’s face appears in Magnus’ vision, making him focus, looking at him a little confused and concerned.

“Magnus?”

Magnus used to wonder whether he would feel something, have a premonition, a gut feeling, whether his magic would sense it, and behave differently, or if that day would be like any other day.

He’s trying to find the words when their phones go off simultaneously.

Alec looks regretful, a little annoyed, but he straightens and reaches for them both, checking the displays.

“It’s Jace and Izzy.” He frowns, hands Magnus his phone while sitting up and answers his call.

“The city’s under attack, we need you both.”

* * *

They arrive at Brooklyn Bridge Park amidst werewolves and Shadowhunters fighting dozens of curious looking hell creatures, some familiar, some, most of them never laid eyes upon before.

Alec shoots a couple of demons instantly while Magnus puts up a protection glamour around the area, then blasts magic into a group of three demons, obliterating them. Izzy comes running, for a moment freed due to their help.

“They came out of nowhere, all at once, and we were lucky Luke was visiting Clary so he sent his pack to help immediately. We don’t know what they want or where they’re coming from, there’s no rift as far as we could find.”

Alec and Magnus share a concerned look before the three of them head straight into the middle of the fight, helping Luke, Maia, Clary, and Jace to send the creatures back to hell, while the rest of the pack and some Shadowhunters are fighting further on the edges of the park area.

“What’s going on?” Alec turns to Jace as they’re fighting back to back, with Magnus and Izzy on either side, spotting the demons they’d fought a second ago suddenly leaving towards the others fighting further away.

“No damn idea.” He answers his Parabatai finally, as they spare a confused glance at each other.

“Let’s go!” Izzy cracks her whip and runs to catch up, Clary and Jace on her heels while Magnus and Alec stand back a moment, surveying.

“Something’s off about this.” Alec’s eyes lock with Magnus’ for just a moment as he nods.

“Agreed, be caref- watch out!”

Alec follows Magnus’ look up and behind them immediately, arrow notched and ready to shoot. But neither of them could expect three wraiths attacking all together, out of the blue, plummeting down directly at them, red eyes glowing and teeth bared, their screeches jarring

Alec’s arrow hits one, ashes and ichor raining down on them, and Magnus’ giant fireball should have blasted the other two, but the instant the creatures touch his magic, the four of them are encased in black smoke.

Jace feels a sharp pull, his blade slicing through a demon and he turns in one fluid motion, staring at the space Alec and Magnus were just seconds ago, now empty. He’s sure he heard something, demons...

“Jace!”

He leaps around again, ready to fight, then blinks in confusion as he and everyone else are watching the demons scatter away quickly, disappearing behind trees, around corners and in alleyways.

“What the hell?” He’s staring at Clary and Izzy who are just as surprised.

Luke and Maia come running towards them. “They’ve all disappeared!”

“So have Alec and Magnus.” Jace turns around again and walks over to the spot, crouches down and swipes up some of the black substance that’s strewn on the grass in a circle.

“What is that? What happened to them?” Clary crouches next to him, watches him worried.

Jace sniffs the stuff and wipes it off his finger. “Nothing good. I think something took them… ahh!” He sways and drops to the ground, his hand flying to his Parabatai rune, as Clary steadies him from behind.

“What’s happening, Jace?” Izzy’s beside him, holding his shoulder.

“It’s Alec, they’re in danger, we have to find them.”

* * *

The screeching is threatening to pop his eardrums, suddenly numbed, and all he hears is a ringing sound in his head that makes him feel nauseous and he stumbles, holding his palm to the side of his head, his other stretched in front of him to catch him should he fall. He sees nothing but smoke around him, grey impenetrable moving tendrils. He feels clammy, cold sweat glueing hair on the back of his neck, his breaths coming short and labored. There’s just one thought left on his mind.

“Magnus!”

His eyes are sharp and focused, set on detecting any movement in this pervasive smoke. Every muscle in his body is taut and alerted, ready to face the inevitable attack. Fuming red magic is licking his fingers, whirring under his skin like a hive of roused bees. He knows only a greater demon could plan and implement this, taking him by surprise. He has a fairly good idea which one.

The instant he hears his own name he’s moving, his heart thrumming with the relief of knowing Alec’s alive, and the heavy regret of knowing he’s trapped here with him.

“Alexander!”

“Magnus! I’m over here!”

Magnus knows he’s close, very close now, fighting his way through the smoke that feels unnaturally heavy on his limbs.

He spots light suddenly, daylight through the grey vastness around him and he stills abruptly as the smoke seems to get sucked away all at once, revealing he’s still in the park, almost the same area they were before, but he’s alone, not another person or animal to be seen. Except Alexander.

The sense of relief gets crushed in a moment, superseded by shock and fear. Alec’s seen him and he’s heading straight towards him, unaware of the three black shadows behind him, ascending in perfect sync, wings spreading, eyes glowing, fangs baring, steering directly towards Alec.

Magnus leaps in motion, his hand waving, watching as Alec’s lifted off of his feet, flies a few meters and falls to the ground out of harm’s way, and Magnus gathers all of his buzzing magic, sparking and scorching, illuminating all of his body in deep, wicked reds and oranges, before he thrusts out his arms, blasting the wraiths out of the sky, ichor and ashes falling like rain.

His eyes shoot towards Alec who’s reaching out an arm towards him, his face distorted in pain, no, fright, and he’s yelling, jumping to his feet, grabbing for his bow and arrow. _Behind you!_ _Magnus!_

Magnus doesn’t know why everything is happening in slow motion.

He’s staring at Alec’s face, his mouth moving so sluggishly, his eyes wide. And Magnus doesn’t really understand it. There’s something on his hand and his eyes are drawn downwards. Red liquid runs along his black clothes, soaking them, dripping off of his fingers to the ground. There’s something stuck in his chest. Something black and sharp…

Alec’s scream invades the numbness in Magnus’ mind, clearing his head as if he were dipped in ice water. There’s a brutal jolt and the black thing from his chest vanishes, and he’s collapsing to the ground, folding in on himself, a dull pain turning into white hot agony.

Alec’s still shouting, his voice shrill in Magnus’ ears, horrifying. There’s so much blood, seeping into the grass under him he can’t seem to stop staring at. He notices a few arrows flying over him, a screeching sound dying down, something falling on him, light, like soil drizzling.

Then Alec’s right beside him, hands clutching his face, his arm, and he’s talking, saying words he should understand, but his mind seems slow and muted. Everything feels so surreal. Like a fading nightmare.

He just has to wake up.

* * *

His insides feel like mush, falling apart, and at the same time compressed like he’s one tight clump, no blood or air coming through. Every cell of him is shaking, unfeeling, his hands are numb and cold while fire burns his core. He’s dripping with sweat, his throat constricted, raw like sandpaper, his eyes staring, seeing nothing but red. Blood. So much blood. Blood coming from Magnus, Magnus’ blood. Blood seeping out of Magnus. From the wound in his chest. The wraith’s tail pierced right through him. Out of nowhere. It was just there, and Magnus went down. And Alec can’t stop staring at all the blood, his mind dysfunctional, on overload, unable to fathom one single coherent thought. There’s so much blood.

Magnus keeps staring at his blood running along the grass, tinging the green red, and it’s a strangely soothing image.

Until something finally registers in his brain. Blood running on the ground, drawing a circle… creating… panic washes over him, panic bringing pain, bringing clarity.

“Alexander… stop the blood.”

Speaking is hard, painful, everything is suddenly very painful, but he has to stop it, he has to tell him.

“Alexander…” He doesn’t seem to hear him, he seems frighteningly out of it.

Magnus forces his body to move, pain turning into agony, dragging a gut-wrenching cry from him. He throws his arm up, his fingers grabbing onto Alec’s neck, pulling him down until he stares into the most despairing, frightened eyes he’s ever seen.

“You have to stop the blood. Stop the rift…”

The air smells like blood, and all he tastes is copper, all he feels is anguish, but the moment those hazel eyes focus and indicate comprehension, it doesn’t matter. Just as long as his father’s plan gets ruined.

Alec freezes when Magnus touches him, but staring into those golden eyes finally pushes him out of the shock. He turns and sees the circle of blood, comprehending what it means, what will happen if it’s completed. Moving away from Magnus almost tears him apart, but he has to do this first, and then he has to save him. He will, for sure. He must.

But as he stares at Magnus’ blood, starting to form the pentagram, he realizes he has no idea how.

“Your blade… and your blood! Use it to stop the bloodflow!”

Alec leaps back around, the sight of Magnus so hurt and weak punching his guts and squashing his heart, but he has to act fast now. His hand is already closing around the hilt of his seraph sword and he slides it out of his holster, not hesitating to slice the sharp blade along his hand, dyeing it with his own blood, then rushes forward.

A jarring screech from above makes him twist around. Another wraith. His senses go mad, his mind reeling. His bow is lying next to Magnus, the blood keeps flowing, creating the demonic entrance to hell, and the wraith is plummeting down at him. Alec decides to make a run for it, stop the blood and hope he’ll live to fight the demon afterwards, he has no time for anything else.

He turns and dashes forward, the creature’s screams cutting in his mind and he thinks he made it but the moment he’s about to plunge the blade into the soil, the demon’s wing bashes the side of his face, breaking skin and flesh, hauling him to the ground, the blade slipping from his grasp.

He feels dazed, blood flowing from the gash down his temple to his jaw, and he knows he has to get up, find the blade and end it… the moment he opens his eyes he sees the wraith, eyes blazing with hellfire, its mouth open wide, fangs showing, ready to bite his head off. He forces his body to move, to roll away, but he knows he’s not fast enough and he can almost feel the wraith’s teeth sinking into him as it abruptly bursts, scorched by red flames, covering him with black ichor and ashes.

He’s paralysed with the shockwave, his eyes boring into a pair of golden ones just before Magnus’ body slumps back to the ground, his eyes closing.

Alec screams inwardly, jumps to his feet, dashes towards the blade, grabs it and leaps right into the middle of the circle where the last blood trail is forming, and thrusts it into the earth. He didn’t expect that the impact would throw him off of his feet, leaving him dazed, and when he sits up again to see, he finds Magnus’ blood turning black, stilling.

He scrambles to his feet, dismissing any other thought of it, his full attention on the man on the ground unmoving.

“Magnus! Magnus?” He skids onto his knees, touching Magnus’ face with a bloodied, and dirt covered hand. He pulls his jacket off and fastens it as well as he can around Magnus’ chest to stop the blood, but there’s so much of it still. Then he carefully pulls him into his arms, cradling his head, looking around frantically. Help, he needs help. His phone’s broken as he quickly checks on it inside his pants’ pocket, and he bites the inside of his cheek to keep himself from panicking. They need help, but there’s no one here, no sound, no movement, nothing, just quiet. A sharp contrast to the undeterred, furious drumming of his own heart, and his voice yelling in despair inside his head.

He jumps when he suddenly hears a pained moan and he pulls back to look at Magnus, tears suddenly streaming down his face when he sees his eyes open.

“Magnus! What can I do? Tell me what to do! Can you heal yourself? There’s no one here.”

His fingers tremble as he tries to wipe a splotch of blood from under Magnus’ eye, smearing more on his skin instead.

“Heal yourself.”

Alec thinks he might have heard wrong, his forehead pulled into a frown, his eyes flickering all over Magnus’ face.

“Your stele… use it.”

It’s as if he needed the reminder to actually feel his own wound, all of a sudden pounding away, his mind foggy. He slides the stele out from his jacket pocket wrapped around Magnus and activates an iratze, feeling slight relief. If only he could do the same to heal Magnus.

“I’m good, now tell me what to do, Magnus. You’re hurt really really bad. Please, what can I do?”

He watches alarmed as Magnus closes his eyes but opens them a moment later again. “Just wait… I just need to… regain some more magic.”

Alec shakes his head, not believing that’s all they can do. Magnus is already so weak, lost so much blood and still losing more. He needs to get him out of here and find help.

He slips his arms underneath Magnus’ body, and lifts him as he gets onto his own feet, and when he holds him securely, he runs towards the edge of the park. There’s got to be someone in the city who can help, one of the others who can get Catarina. Just one…

They collide with an invisible barrier and Alec drops to his knees, shocked at the impact.

“The area is... under a demonic spell… we can’t get out.”

Alec stares down at Magnus’ face, disbelieving.

“No, we have to, there has to be a way!”

There would be… if Magnus wasn’t hurt, if he had enough magic. If he hadn’t killed that last wraith, maybe then…

“Alexander… it’s okay... let’s wait here... for a bit longer.”

Alec shakes his head again, looking around once more, not seeing anything other than before. He knows Magnus is right, but he doesn’t want him to be, he can’t accept it. Magnus sounds so small, so exhausted. There was _so_ much blood. Alec will never shake those images.

“I can’t, I can’t.” He can’t wait, he can’t let him… he gets back to his feet, tightening his grip on his love and runs along the barrier, maybe there’s a spot they can get out, maybe it will weaken and disappear any moment. He has to try. He has to.

He can barely walk on, depleted by his own injury, the adrenaline leaving his body, the crushed hope… and yet he can’t give in, can’t stop, because if he does, there’s nothing to keep him from falling apart, from fear overwhelming him and ripping him to shreds.

“Alexander… stop… please.”

A soft voice, usually filled with warmth and affection, now feeble and breakable makes him back down, and he carefully sits, the strain never leaving his body as he gently cradles Magnus in his arms again, almost unable to meet his eyes, consumed by soul-corroding grief, worry and love.

“It’s not… your fault… don’t put that… on you.”

Alec shushes him gently, brushing his finger over Magnus’ lips. “Don’t talk, you need your strength. We’ll be out of here soon, and I’ll take you straight to Catarina’s and you’ll be fine.”

He only becomes aware of his tears dripping from the tip of his nose when he notices them falling on Magnus’ face. His chest is excruciatingly tight, his body colder than it’s ever been, an inexplicably ominous sadness creeping in and taking a hold of him. And he hates being so weak, so useless and helpless and guilty. But none of it is any help to Magnus, so he shoves it all deep down and tries to smile at him instead, when inside, every part of him is wailing.

* * *

Magnus used to wonder whether he would feel something, have a premonition, a gut feeling, whether his magic would sense it and behave differently, or if that day would be like any other day.

The day he'd die.

Now he knows.

There was nothing that hinted at it, nothing out of the ordinary. Just a story he could have remembered any other day. But he’s glad it came to him.

Looking at the love of his life, so hurt and distressed, covered in ashes and blood, and yet those mesmerising hazel eyes are shining so brightly with tears and sorrow, but most importantly _alive_.

Alexander’s alive and he’ll be fine no matter what happens to him, and though he doesn’t want to leave - this life, this world, his one true love - a sense of acceptance and gratitude fills him. He had to wait for a damn long time, but he found him in the end, the one person to come into his life and throw everything he thought he knew upside down, tore down his walls and rebuilt them with warmth, devotion, care and unconditional, honest, all-encompassing love, and that’s all he feels right at this moment, looking at his Alexander.

He can barely move, but he manages to lift his arm enough so his fingers can hold onto Alec’s face, his skin clammy but hot underneath Magnus’ icy touch, and he hopes his eyes shine as wonderfully, and fill Alec up with adoration and pride lasting for a lifetime. He hopes Alec knows how he made these last months the happiest and most fulfilling of his life, how he made every hardship worth it in the end, and mended his broken parts by simply accepting, staying and loving all of him.

He feels the cold edging away, warmth and darkness making his mind hazy, the pain merely a dull ache now.

“Ale… xander…”

He has to tell him one more thing, fight through the deep soreness and heavy fatigue, make his tongue work, make his lips form the words. Just one last time.

And his lips tug into a tiny smile as Alec leans down to him, listening attentively, making it easier for him. He is so very sorry to have to do this, to have to leave him like this, but he knows Alec’s true strength, and all he will endure, and succeed in. Still, he is so very sorry, but he won’t waste his last words to apologize.

He breathes in, and whispers, “You’re my forever.”

And when he sees recognition in Alexander’s eyes, he closes his.

He doesn’t hear Alec’s soul-splitting scream.

* * *

There’s barely a kind of suffering he’s not felt in some way in his life, but sensing his Parabatai’s heartbreaking agony, without knowing what’s happening, without being able to help him, is one of the very worst.

Jace is on his knees, a hand protectively covering his Parabatai rune, begging for the spell to lift so he can finally understand, though he’s scared of learning the cause of Alec’s unbearable pain.

“It’s almost done!” Catarina who came within seconds after hearing what happened, has been working relentlessly on breaking the demonic spell she detected.

Everyone’s been waiting anxiously, watching Jace feeling worse the more time passed, their sorrow growing, the wait stretching, crueler than most things they’ve had to endure.

“It’s them, over there!” Jace suddenly hears Simon shouting, and he jumps to his feet and dashes forward, leaving everyone else a few feet behind.

He stops abruptly, as if his feet were caught in a trap, unable to move or breathe, staring at the sight before him. The blood, Magnus motionless, Alec clinging to him, sobbing harrowingly. So much blood.

Everyone stilled, unable to move further, unable to do anything but stare in horror and disbelief. Everyone but Catarina. She kneels by their side, her magic sparking alive, covering Magnus.

“A little help here!” She calls out towards them and Jace, Izzy and Clary are the first to move again, rushing to them.

“Get him away, I need more space, a lot more magic and a lot of help!” She locks eyes with Jace for a split second, her look determined, intense, giving no room for disobedience, and pushing Jace into action.

He grabs Alec around his torso and pulls him back. “Alec, we gotta let Catarina help Magnus.”

He can tell how out of it his Parabatai is, how pain-stricken and brimming with grief, but he didn’t expect the sheer aggression and fight the moment Jace tries to pry him off of Magnus. Alec screams and struggles, his elbow flying into Jace’s face, hitting his jaw so hard he can feel and also hear it cracking, but he doesn’t let go of him, and finally with the help of Luke grabbing Alec’s legs, they drag him away.

Jace closes his arms around Alec’s back and shoulders, holding him like a vice while he yells and fights on, crying for Magnus, and Jace feels the tears streaming down his own face, but he holds onto him, if it’s the last thing he does, he won’t let go of him. He talks soothingly to him, not caring whether Alec hears him or not, it’s all he can do.

Eventually Alec seems to sag, all strength and fight leaving his body, giving up, quiet sobs shaking him, Jace’s embrace the only reason he’s not lying on the ground.

Jace dares a glance towards the others, Catarina’s earthy magic completely enveloping Magnus, Izzy and Clary on either side of her, connected to spend every ounce of strength they’re able to give to help Catarina save Magnus.

_If he were beyond saving, she wouldn’t be trying._ It’s what he keeps repeating in his mind, into Alec’s ear, though he’s not getting any kind of reaction. Only when he lowers them both, turning Alec quickly in his arms, holding on tightly, he finally seems to come around enough to realize what’s happening and buries his face and hands into Jace, crying woefully.

Jace has been healing Alec’s wound and his own jaw when Maia approaches them. “He’s now stable enough to be portaled. We’re all heading to the loft, Catarina says she’ll need a lot more help and some stuff Luke is getting for her. I’ll come with you.”

Jace nods at her, whispering to Alec who seems completely dazed, but gets on his feet with Maia’s and Jace’s support. His eyes are bloodshot and haunted, driving an icy, eerie shudder through Jace.

“Magnus…?” Alec’s voice is raw and sore, confusion, sorrow and hope glistening in his eyes, and Jace wants to just weep, oppressing his emotions.

“Catarina’s with him, they’re back at the loft, we’re go- Alec!”

He watches as Alec takes off, somehow finding the strength to run undeterred, and Jace knows nothing is going to hold him back, so he and Maia share a knowing look and run right after him.

* * *

_You’re my forever._

Magnus’ last words are the only thing on his mind, and he’s latching onto them, the spark of hope he suddenly feels now that they were found, and Catarina seems to think he can still be saved, driving his feet forward tirelessly. Or else she wouldn’t have tried…? He’s torn between hoping and grieving, frightened to give into either, he just has to get to him, see him, find out the truth.

He’s stomping up the stairs, pushing the door open, past people he barely notices waiting outside of their bedroom, and inside, the door flying, and he freezes, not even noticing the hand that grabs his arm as Jace appears behind him.

All he sees is Magnus lying on their bed, his torso bare, an angry, bloody, shredded hole in his chest. His eyes are closed, his face ashen, sweat covering his skin, and his body seems to convulse from whatever Catarina’s doing, her magic linked to strange colorful stones framing Magnus’ body, glowing in light-blue light. Luke and Raphael are by her side, focused on giving her strength, but Alec just can’t take his eyes off of him.

“Alec, we should wait outside.” He hears Jace’s whispered words, but he’s unable to react. He needs to know, he can’t take waiting, he won’t bear it.

“Will he be OK?”

He feels like everyone in the world is holding their breath, his own sucked right out of his lungs as he stares into Catarina’s eyes.

“He’s barely alive, it’s impossible to say. I’ll do what I can, but it will most likely take a day or two to be sure.”

She’s not unkind, but matter of fact and averts her eyes again, focusing purely on Magnus.

A day or two… it might take days before they know whether he’ll live or die… Or he’ll just die before then… No… Alec sways and tumbles but Jace catches him and takes him outside, past the others. Clary and Izzy are cuddled up, asleep on the couch, drained of their strength, Simon sitting next to them, watching as Jace disappears with Alec in the guest room.

Alec feels as if someone’s hands are wrapped around his throat, squeezing, slowly choking him, his whole body trembling, hot and cold shivers washing over him, and he feels sick and out of control over his body and mind. He hears Jace’s voice from a distance, not understanding the words. He feels how his jacket’s pulled off of him, sudden panic overcoming him and a moment later he gasps and cries out as cold water is pelting down on him and he becomes aware of standing in the shower, Jace next to him.

“Alec, are you OK?” Jace is watching him carefully, frightened for him and what else might happen to him if he can’t shake him out of this state.

Alec wipes his face, the water turned off now and leans against the shower wall, taking deep breaths. He focuses on Jace’s eyes and finally feels better. He nods.

“I know this is unbearable… but you have to keep it together, for Magnus, and Izzy… I’ll be right here, we’re all right here for you, and him, and we’ll get you through this, just… stay with me.”

Jace comes closer slowly, as if gauging his reaction and when Alec is drawn into a hug, all pent up tension leaves him and he sinks into him, gripping Jace’s arms, his fingers digging in deep, sobs shaking him, hot tears flowing over his face, but he nods, understanding, and he’s going to do whatever it takes to stay grounded, at least until they’ll know.

He notices the red water on the ground once he’s calmer, just staring downwards. Flashes of the moment the wraith pierced Magnus are invading his mind, when he fell, all that blood… he’s still covered in Magnus’ blood. He sends Jace out, reassuring he’ll be out himself soon, strips quickly, throwing his clothes into a basket where he doesn’t need to see them anymore and washes it all off, rubbing and scratching his skin under the hot water until it’s all red.

When he leaves the shower, he spots the clothes lying by the door in a neat pile and he has to fight fresh tears. He gets dry and dressed, trying to keep every thought and feeling away from him, focusing only on the task at hand, and then joins the others. He thanks Jace who’s been waiting, turning the moment he heard the door open, and almost manages to return his small smile.

Waiting has never been a virtue of his, but waiting to hear whether the love of his life will live is the worst kind, and he feels as if all sense is slowly extracted from his mind with a pair of tweezers. Luke and Raphael left the bedroom a couple hours ago, resting, and a other friends joined Catarina to lend their strengths. Alec wanted to instantly, but Jace held him back, making him promise to regain his own strength first.

So they’ve been waiting, Izzy and Clary waking up while Jace and Simon slept to regain their energy they gave to Catarina, talking about things he doesn’t remember now, but at least there’s some kind of distraction, something to focus on, or he’ll truly go mad.

“By the way, Alec, I brought your weapons back and cleaned them.”

Alec turns his head abruptly, staring at Simon who’s smiling kindly at him, just woken up, and when he blinks and looks behind the vampire, he sees his bow and quiver and even his seraph blade, not a trace of dirt or blood left. Still, the sight of it sends an eerie tremor into his fingers, a cold sickness coiling around his insides. He turns back quickly.

“Thank you.”

“No problem, you’re welcome.”

Alec swallows and nods, unable to look at anyone, so he focuses on the objects in the room, the portraits and furniture, remembering what Magnus told him about each item, trying to empty his mind from everything else.

* * *

He startles himself awake, his heart pounding madly, disorientated for a moment until he shakes himself, rubs the sleep from his eyes and gets up from the chair he fell asleep on. Most people in the room seem to be, so he gets up and walks to the bedroom quietly, holding his breath as he carefully opens the door and slips inside, closing it behind him.

Catarina’s alone with Magnus now, and she looks as if she were asleep, if not for the way she’s still sitting upright, and her magic is still flowing, covering Magnus’ injury, which seems to have healed a great amount, the flesh showing red and tender, but the gaping hole is closed. Alec can’t help being flooded with relief, though still wary, and afraid.

He steps closer and sits down next to Magnus’ other side as cautiously as he manages, hesitating at first, but then he timidly covers Magnus’ hand with his own, his cold skin riddling Alec with tiny shudders.

“He isn’t out of the woods yet, but the poison is out of his system, and the rest is mainly on him.”

Alec meets Catarina’s tired, yet keen eyes, feeling surprised at the information, not knowing Magnus was poisoned at all, utterly grateful for her help, and hopeful that Magnus will overcome the rest and fight his way back.

He nods and averts his eyes to look at his face, his free hand coming up to wipe a strand of black hair behind Magnus’ ear.

“He’s lucky he wasn’t alone there.”

Alec’s turning back to her, his eyes narrowing, guilt surrounding him like a vice. “I’m the reason he got hurt in the first place, I wouldn’t call that lucky… he saved me twice, and I couldn’t even…” He presses his lips together, closing his eyes for a moment, the pain of remembering squeezing his throat too tightly.

“Trust me, Asmodeus wanted his blood to open a gate of hell to Edom, and he would have succeeded no matter what. It was a cunning plan, not meant to fail. But it did, and Magnus wouldn’t blame you.”

Alec turns his head away, his jaw tight and clenched, fighting the urge to argue. There’s no point, he can’t undo his mistakes. He can only stay with him now, stay and wait and hope. He knows he’s strong enough, if anyone is, it’s Magnus.

A tear falls from his eye as he leans down to kiss his forehead, gently caressing his face. He doesn’t care that she sees it, he doesn’t care for anything but hearing Magnus breathing, and wanting him to open his eyes.

He doesn’t know how much time passes with them just silently watching over Magnus, Catarina’s healing magic calming Alec’s heart, lulling him into a sense of safety. And then it’s suddenly gone and he looks to her alarmed.

She holds up a hand and rubs her temple, visibly drained. “It’s okay, there’s nothing else I can do, and I need to sleep. Stay with him and wake me if he gets worse.”

Alec watches her, swallowing a lump in his throat, worry gnawing on him. If he gets worse…? Please, no.

She’s gathering the stones Alec noticed before, but was too lost in his sorrow to pay attention to. “What are those?”

She looks up at him. “Healing stones, I needed something to channel the poison into. I’ll destroy them once I’m home.”

Alec nods, feeling a vast amount of gratitude wash over him. “Thank you, for everything… he’s only got this chance because of you.”

She shakes her head slowly, a tiny smile pulling her mouth. “He held on as long as he did for you, I’ve never seen a warlock survive an injury like this for as long as he did. That’s on you, Alec.”

Alec frowns darkly, memories flashing through his mind.

“Does… Asmodeus not care whether his son lives or dies?” Would he just sacrifice him like this? To gain entry into their world… and rule it? He probably answered himself now. He’s a real demon, a true monster.

“He might, but certainly not enough to choose Magnus’ life over his own freedom. The good in this is that we now know what he’s planning, and next time we’ll be prepared. He won’t catch Magnus by surprise again. Now, I’ll be in the guest room. See you later.”

Alec nods and watches the door shut behind her, then looks back at his love’s face. He carefully lies down next to him, his head high enough on the pillow to watch him, his right arm outstretched in front of him, intertwining their fingers softly, cupping Magnus’ face with his other hand. He needs to touch him, to feel he’s alive, to keep himself anchored, even to draw comfort for himself. And he hopes Magnus can feel him here.

His chest is so tight, his throat and eyes burning, and he feels very frail, but just being with him, seeing how strong he is, how he keeps fighting to be alive, is enough for Alec to keep doing the same.

He solely focuses on the soft sounds of Magnus’ breaths, his consciousness slowly fading.

Again he startles awake, his head jolting, eyes blinking furiously and he moves up to observe Magnus, scared for a moment that… but he’s still breathing, looking slightly better… or that’s just wishful thinking. Alec takes a deep breath to calm down and carefully settles his chin and cheek on Magnus’ shoulder, his fingers still laced with his love’s, squeezing a little tighter.

“You weren’t supposed to…” Alec swallows, closes his eyes, his body contracting painfully with the memory.

He breathes slowly and deeply and keeps his eyes closed.

“You weren’t supposed to leave me, ever. Not like this… not where I couldn’t get you back. I know you’re not invincible, but I never thought… I was always going to go first...” He has to stop himself again, curling in on himself as much as he can without disturbing Magnus. He only just realizes how selfish he’s been, how ignorant, and how Magnus must feel… every time Alec might not come back home.

He opens his eyes, staring into nothingness.

“I know I’m selfish, I took this part of you for granted… and I’m sorry.”

He closes his eyes once more, willing the overwhelming emotions away, waiting to gain some control over himself again.

“I thought I lost you. And I didn’t think anything could come close to the pain when I thought Jace died, but losing you… it was just as horrible. Different, but the same gravity. I told you I can’t live without you, Magnus. I don’t know how to live without anyone I love, but I’ve never loved the way I love you, and I just can’t do this without you, so please… please come back to me.”

He turns his face to bury it in the crook of Magnus’ neck, needing to feel him more, wishing he could bury himself wholly in Magnus’ warmth and safety, but for once Magnus is the one in bitter need… but Alec doesn’t think he can give it to him, he feels worthless and useless, but no matter what, he won’t leave.

A soothing touch on his neck sends tingles over his skin, along his spine, and he’s about to relax into it when his eyes suddenly shoot open, his body instantly taut, and he turns his head and moves it up, staring in disbelief into two golden cat eyes, open and a little unfocused, dimmer than usually, but no doubt looking at him.

“Magnus? Magnus, you’re awake? Are you okay? Are you in pain?” He almost stumbles over his own words, not sure whether he can trust this, whether it’s real or just a dream, but Magnus blinks and the corner of his mouth tilts upwards and his lips part.

“I… feel… and I didn’t think... I would again. This is preferable.”

The moment Magnus speaks, his voice fragile and quiet, obviously taking some effort, yet so Magnus, tears stream from Alec’s eyes and his face can’t decide whether to smile or sob and he leans down, kissing Magnus’ cheek, pressing his nose and forehead into him, just breathing him in.

He pulls back and blinks the tears away. “Magnus… I…”

“I heard… what you said. It’s okay... I’m not going anywhere.”

Alec’s face scrunches up more with fresh tears and he leans down, carefully touching his forehead with Magnus’, hoping he doesn’t mind too much getting showered by him.

“I love you, so much.” He whispers, his heart full and heavy, aching with the sort of soreness he’ll happily feel every single day of his life.

He can feel Magnus’ hand on the back of his head, sending delicious shudders over him as his fingers card through his hair.

“I love you too, forever.” Magnus whispers back, the power of his words and the truth behind them cocooning Alec in an impenetrable shell of safety and solace.

He has to pull back eventually, give Magnus more room to breathe, though he really doesn’t want to be any further away. He smiles softly and gently wipes his tears from Magnus’ face.

“I’ll get something for you to drink, I’ll be right back.” He kisses his forehead, lingering for a moment, then quickly gets off the bed and out, so he can come back faster.

Everyone’s still here, most of them asleep, and he notices the time, early morning, as he strides to the kitchen.

“Alec? How is he?” Izzy is rubbing sleep from her eye, but watching him intently. Jace appears next to her, as do Simon, Raphael, Luke and Clary.

He looks at them all for a second, feeling overwhelmingly thankful. “He’s awake, he says he’ll be o-”

He hasn’t finished when Izzy flings her arms around his neck and he lets a shaky breath go, closing his arms around her and lifting her up a moment, squeezing her tightly.

“I’m so happy.” She says softly, and he can hear the tears but also her smile.

He puts her down and is instantly pulled into an even more crushing embrace by Jace. And they don’t need the words to know exactly what they’re feeling. Alec inhales his strength, love and comfort and pulls back with a smile.

“Just getting a few things for him.”

“Go on then.” Izzy grins and he smiles back, grabs a cup and a bottle of water from the kitchen and disappears again in their bedroom.

* * *

Magnus’ eyes follow Alexander as he leaves, but once they have nothing to focus on, they’re falling shut, instantly making him jump, and wince as the injury in his chest twinges amply, his body tensing with the strain until he can relax, breathing out slowly, pushing the liquid from his eyes.

He didn’t lie, he much prefers feeling like a heavy, pathetically weak, shredded lump of misery, knowing he’s alive. He’s alive. He actually made it.

There’s no doubt in his mind that Catarina’s extraordinary healing power is responsible, and he’ll spend another lifetime making it up to her, and also… he would have drifted away much sooner if Alexander hadn’t been there, fighting desperately. He shivers, though he doesn’t feel cold, the memories vividly replaying on his mind.

Alec’s not the only one thinking Magnus dying was the more unlikely option. He’s more aware of his own vulnerabilities than anyone else, but he hadn’t expected this… he really hadn’t. Next time he’ll be ready, and he knows there will be a next, his father won’t rest now. He was way too close to succeeding.

His subconscious registers the sound by the door before his mind catches up, his eyes fixed on the person entering, the tightness inside him easing instantly, and when Alexander smiles, looking so young and vulnerable, but joyful, Magnus has to smile too.

“Got you some water, I gathered you’re not ready for food…?”

Magnus huffs meekly. “Certainly not.”

Alec sits by his shoulder and fills the cup, then helps prop a pillow under him so he can drink without spilling everything.

“So this is what mundanes in a hospital bed feel like, having to be fed through tubes and straws?” He muses, glad when he sees the derisive eyebrow raise on Alec.

“You’re not in a hospital and I don’t see any tubes or straws here, so drink this.” Alec brings the cup to Magnus’ mouth, and Magnus takes it with the hand that feels lighter than the other, a little stronger, and takes a few small sips, the cool liquid soothing his parched throat.

“Thanks, that’s enough for now.”

Alec puts it on the bedside table and caresses a few strands of hair off Magnus’ forehead, watching him intently.

“I promise I’ll be fine, Cat truly performed a miracle on me, my magic will do the rest.”

He can see the remains of the terror Alec’s been feeling in his bright eyes, but there’s also newfound hope and assurance, above all they’re shining with affection.

Magnus lifts his hand to cradle Alec’s jaw and cheek, small delightful shivers surging through him as his love closes his eyes and pushes into his touch fondly, a hand coming up to cover Magnus’. Their eyes connect once more, glistening with reverent devotion.

“Care to freshen up a bit?”

Alec’s voice feels like a soothing balm, like his whole presence does, and Magnus smirks slightly.

“Is that the cue that I stink?”

Alec chuckles quietly and shakes his head.

“I love you even when you stink.” He leans down, grinning softly and kisses his nose, which Magnus scrunches up mock-indignantly.

“Be right back.” Alec smiles at him and heads to their bathroom, a minute later emerging with a sponge, a towel, and a small tub with warm, lovely smelling water.

He arranges everything and sits down again, letting the sponge soak, then wrings it out enough to not drench Magnus as he starts washing his face. Alec seems lost in the task, putting all of his care into it and Magnus wants to close his eyes, enjoy the sensations, but even more he wants to keep watching Alec, basking in the wonder that he’s still allowed to do that.

They’re quiet, immersed in each other, marveling at the calmness and beauty of the moment.

Alec let’s the sponge caress over every exposed part of Magnus, eventually undressing him fully, washing him meticulously, his hands sure and gentle, not seeming even slightly disturbed by Magnus’ watchful eyes. He covers him with the bed spread once he’s dry, just keeping his chest exposed.

Alec’s again caressing some loose strands of Magnus’ hair. “I’ll change this and wash your hair.”

Magnus doesn’t respond, knowing he doesn’t need to, his eyes still attentively watching Alec’s every move, though he feels a comforting fatigue trying to take over. But he’s not giving into it, yet.

He closes them, however, when Alec is back and taking as much care washing the dried clumps of blood, ash, ichor and dirt from his hair, lulled into the most comforting security, knowing he can be weak right now and let Alexander look after him, without feeling a sliver of uncertainty.

He hears Alec move again but his eyes stay shut, and a moment later he feels him lie down next to him, his head against Magnus’, their hands once again intertwined, and Alec’s quiet sigh of contentment in his ear makes his heart feel whole.

“Goodnight, my love.” Magnus whispers.

“Goodnight, Magnus… you’re my forever too.” Alec responds softly, and Magnus smiles, feeling a part of him already healed, before sleep claims him.


End file.
